My Body, My Soul

Born whole and full of love 

on an army base

Landstuhl, Germany

To Jerry and Ruth

Jerry the provider

Ruth the heart of the home

both generous beyond measure

both determined to do better

and give more than they received

both at times

my soul’s rest

and 

yet at times,

not always known or intentional,

my wrecking ball 

Named by one sister

mothered by another

traveled the United States

grappled with moving

from base to base

from sea to shining sea

Unsure of

myself

my purpose

my being

Drawn to faith

so sure of my faith

grew in faith

ran from faith

questioned my faith

This body

taken for granted

every breath

every beat of my heart

clueless of its beauty 

went to war with 

my looks, 

my stomach, 

my hair, 

my breasts, 

my skin

and

aging

Not seeing 

the beauty 

the gift

expecting perfection

jealous of others

noticing their gifts, 

their beauty, 

their talents. 

failing to notice mine

Storing

thoughts 

feelings of trauma 

and disappointment. 

hurt

scared

scarred

afraid

Trying to rise

by seeking 

others approval

wanting others to change

others to

pour love 

and 

acceptance into me

5, 8, 12, 16, 18, 25, 33, 36, 44 … year old me’s looking for

comfort

love

understanding,

acceptance,

and healing. 

My body my soul

fell in love

grew and housed two beings

fought for love 

lost love

faced my demons

let go

embraced myself

became my love

ended the war

Found beauty 

in the mirror

in my core

In my life

Through

adolescence, 

the early years of adulthood,

settling down with a family, 

mid life 

and now the pause 

lessons have been learned

growth has happened

My soul

once disturbed & afraid

now at peace and free

finding good

honoring 

my being

the womb

that gave me my greatest gifts 

my face that is me

that shows my journey

reminds me of who I am

how far I’ve come

Thankful for another day,

another breath,

embracing the pause,

a woman’s journey 

a gift

a path to 

accept what was

being open to what will be

to become 

settled

hopeful

loving

gentle with others and myself. 

to rise

to shine

to be whole again. 

This journey 

filled with 

peaks

more valleys than expected

disappointments

illness and health

heartache

success

joy

acceptance

faith

and checked off boxes 

has brought me peace with

my mother

my father

my creator, my God

and

my body, my soul.